I love my little boy!

This little boy is growing up. Seeing him in his little man suit yesturday before church, just melted my heart and made me have a rush of nastalgia realizing that he is getting further and further away from being my baby boy, and now my soon to be 3 year old son. Tyler is a very loving and tender little person. He is easily offended and quite tempermental, but all because of his gentle, sweet, and tender nature. He needs gentle kind coercing and great patience. When he is rushed or put into a situation with too quick of change he can be very stubborn and quite spasmatic, LOL! But if encouraged for change to be his idea, or prepared for the change ahead of time, he is so accomodating and willing to please me. He is very patient and can be easily put off for hours and hours because he happily will entertain himself and play all on his own. He has been this way from a tiny baby. I try so hard to be aware of this quality in him because it so easily can be taken advantage of. He loves to be with his best buddy Morgan, especially when she is patient and willing to not force him to do things her way. He absolutely loves babies and giving and getting affection. I hope he accepts my kisses and love a lot longer before it no longer is "acceptable" to get kisses and cuddles from mommy! I Love you my little Blue Eye'd Baby Doll!

Brooklyn's Birthday Party

Because Tyler and Morgan's Birthdays are a week apart next month, and it seemed silly to have so many gatherings and spend the $ 3 times so close together, we decided to keep Brooklyn's little birthday party sweet'n simple, and save all the company fun to be for a combined b-day later for Tyler and Morgan. Even Grandma and Grandpa had other things that kept them from being with us, so it was completely just us this time. We started out the day with a little play time in the doll house, a photo shoot for "little princess ballerinas," then making preparations for the "party" that night. The actual party began with blowing up balloons, having a balloon "sword" hitting party, then we moved into dancing and tricks, and lastly presents and cake. It lasted aproximately 30 minutes, and to my delight wore them out completely right before bed. Funny how sometimes I can get all bent out of shape not going all out for these kinds of events, or feeling inadequate or "un cool" by not puting on a production and inviting everyone I know. But its times like this that I realize when I really focus on the true "needs" of my child or kids in general, very little effort is required. A little invested attention and thought, as well as allocated special time from mommy, is all that is desired from little ones, and so easily accomodating if I give up my selfish desires and do a little better in my time management. I find it so ironic how important it may feel to me to block out an entire day for family, friends, cousins and chatting (which I do love ), but seems to be so difficult sometimes to give a full hour of one-on-one true attentive time once a day with my kids. After seeing the joy and excitement all day of Morgan and Tyler leading up to the evening of a simple and silly Birthday party for just Brooklyn and them was very fulfilling, and a great reminder of once again what is most important and true perspective. We had such a blast, and as you can see on their little faces, probably better than any all out production would have been. Likely at events like that what really happens is they fight hard and get upset in not being able to get my attention, and then left to run a muck while I talk my head off. Sound familiar to anyone else? LOL! So after all of this my point is (to myself)..... There's a time and a place , and to not get stressed or feel guilty if I can't do everything such a "First Birthday's" with fireworks and grandios offerings every time, and that its OK. My kids and Heavenly Father are not keeping tally, and don't require what others may, to accept me or love me.

Tyler trying to STEAL the present opening. He was NOT ok with not having any presents. He kept asking where his presents were. He did not understand that it was not his birthday! Birthday parties and not opening presents is very challenging for any 3 year old. Morgan went through the same thing at Tyler's 1 yr party. LOL!

Morgan too had a very hard time not getting to be the one opening or playing with the presents so she was very anxious to "help Brooklyn." Yeah right!

Brooklyn LOVED her little chickie that tweets, and we call it her "tweet tweet" and she knows exactly what we are talking about.

This little rocking horse was the Hit of the party! He "nays", sings songs, and talks. Watch the little movie and you'll see at the end she had to give this horsey her soft tender loves.

Need I say more? Cherry Chocolate cake looks more like she's eating a carcas of some kind more than cake. Kind of gross! But she loved it once she figured out what it was.

Happy Birthday little "Snoogie!"

My little Brooklyn, aka: "Brookie", "bookie", "snookie","snoog","snoogie","snoogers" Happy 1st Birthday!!! Brooklyn is the joy of our little family. Everyone here loves to get kisses and hugs from Brooklyn and enjoy her cute little personality. We were so curious to see who this little 3rd person to our family would be. Over this past year we have come to know that Brooklyn is a very patient, calm, pleasant and easy going personality. She is easily pasified by those she trusts, and easily self entertained. Brooklyn's favorite things are books, babies, "nummies"(food/treats), being chased by daddy or mommy crawling around, being included with Tyler and Morgan with rides on anything that moves such as bikes, scooters, or blankets. She also LOVES eating grandma crowder's ice, and visits to pa-pa crowder's lap. (And any time and love from Grandma and Grandpa Braden- miss you guys!) Brooklyn does NOT like being pestered by Tyler, being picked up and moved constantly by Morgan, Mommy on the computer, Daddy taking her from mommy, or peas and sliced cheese.

Brooklyn has had a very special bond with Daddy from day one. There was something about his warmth and tender voice, that connected her at a young age. She has had a bond with him I think closer than Morgan or Tyler as babies. Brooklyn brough so much joy to our family at a time of much stress and sadness. We were able to focus on the simple things in life and really enjoy the happiness that new babies can bring.

From day one Brooklyn has the most beautiful long eyelashes and bright eyes that glow. I Just love looking into them every day.

Daddy got the first smile, and the first smiles on camera! He just had a way to her heart, that she would give her BEST to him.

Brooklyn loves any attention and Play-time we give her. She happens to have a very silly personality, and find great pleasure and satisfaction in making her family laugh!

She loves loves loves good food, and trying little bites of anyone's food that offers. She especially likes treats!

This is a common expression of Brooklyn's, getting a "kick" out of daddy or Morgan doing something silly, and she not sure what to think of it.
You will often find Brooklyn under a table, chair, or peeking out from a cupboard to make you laugh, or make silly faces at you.
Brooklyn LOVES clothes or anything that she can put over her head. She will go out of a room to get something, and come walking in with it on her head, and looks at you like "do you see me? Aren't I funny? Giggle Giggle!" We have since learned to laugh at her when she is purposefully trying to get us to laugh.
Brooklyn is fascinated with nature and being out doors. She loves to wander around by herself outside. This is usually the only place that she can get some relief from being bothered or controlled by big brother and sister. Brooklyn is our little Angel and we love her so much! Happy Birthday sweetheart, we LOVE YOU!

(and thanks to Aunt Kelsey and Kamryn for the cute tutu/pearls idea- we had to try it out!)

Invisible Mom

A friend of mine shared this on her blog a while back, and it really had an impact on me. Lately I think I have fallen away from managing my time well, and I remembered this story and wanted to revisit it to inspire me to prioritize my time, and to do the things required of me with the right heart. Please read and enjoy......................................................................................................................

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It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!?

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it t o me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it. And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.' I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over.

You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become. At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

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I can relate to this so often in my day. I want for my kids to feel my love, and to love to be here in my home, and I want them to be anxious to be back when gone. I want for them to be strong leaders with the faith and strength to stand tall and bold in the face of evil, but with the love and compassion of our Savior. If I don't allocate my time wisely to create an environment and place for this type of teaching, or give and sacrifice my time in ways that will build my relationships with my kids that invite this spirit, then my little cathedrals will be small and weak structures ready to crumble at any moment from the demands, pressures, and temptations of the world. Today and forward I will do better.... I am an ever growning work in progress.... observing and correcting, observing and correcting, continually staying the coarse in efforts to acheive a beautifully promised exaltation, even when required to so often be invisible.

A Tribute to Garrett and a Birthday Girl!

Tomorrow is a day that is bittersweet to me. It is the day that I celebrate not only Brooklyn's Birthday, but also the day of Garrett's death. At moments I feel the urge to be weepy, but then look at my little "Snoog" and see the light and joy she is to me, and my desire and need to focus on the joy and blessing that she is to my life and the meaning of forever families. I am overcome with peace and gratitude for the experience I had in the hospital as I gave birth to my little Angel bug Brooklyn. During the hardest hours of my labor I was listening to my Mp3 player to take my mind off of my contractions. I had been going through contractions both hard and mild for close to 24 hours, and was tired of the lack of progress that had taken place. I reached a point in my listening that I wanted to select an album called HYMNS II. This is a combination of an acapella choir of male singers doing variations of some of my most favorite hymns and several of them I knew to be Garrett's favorites, because of this, and knowing today was his 1 yr mark, I wanted to feel closer to him. What was so incredible about this experience was that Garrett enjoyed music, and singing, and as I listened to these songs I felt Garrett's voice resonate in my mind, I could feel his love and the love of my Savior come over me. I felt it so strongly that I was able to forget for a time what I was physically feeling. I welled up with tears over and over during those hard 2 hours, feeling the strength and support of my Brother and my Heavenly Father. I felt as I listened to the songs, Garrett's testimony of the Savior and the Atonement seemed so strong in my heart, whatever the lyrics were I would feel in my heart him saying "He loves you, he loves me, and I am OK." It was so peaceful to not feel worry, or concern of if he's ok. It was another one of those moments in life that I could see the Lord's hand involved in my life, aware of me, and sending little experiences to testify of his plan, and of his love and awareness of my needs. Below are a few pictures of my last moments with Garrett. He came to spend a couple weeks with me for his summer and we made some pretty memorable moments together at the beach, visiting the temple, learning to surf, and getting lost in L.A.

Losing someone so close to me initially rocked me to my core, I cried with more emotion and sorrow than I had ever felt in my life, realizing that he was gone, that this was really happening, and I had to find a way to get through it and be ok. How was I going to continue to cheerfully love and raise my babies, when I was feeling so sad and missing him so much. Then comes all the questions of what really happens now for him and us left behind, how can we move forward. This challenged me to question and say to myself ok, this is it, this is my chance to ask what is it that I believe? In theory I knew what I believed about death, and about forever families, so when I asked myself these questions I knew the right sunday school answers, but the true question was.... was I ready to embrace and FEEL in my heart and spirit what I knew was taught to me, and what I have taught others in church callings, and have begun teaching my children. His death and the process of emotionally healing from loss, has taught me that this type of experience is what required me to not just "KNOW" what you believe but to exercise it... practice it.. prove it! These past two years believe it or not were not as hard for me as I thought they would have been. I had a rough couple of weeks coping with the reality and feeling the inital pain of loss, but my parents were an incredible example to me to pull together, turn towards Christ, be in-tune to feel the love of the Savior, his comfort, his support, awareness, and greater plan. With their help, and the help from prayer able to exercise my faith, focus on my hope and belief that we will be together with him again. So in every moment and time that I feel weepy or momentarily sad or missing him, I always have simultaneous feelings of comfort, love, encouragment, and patience. Because of this the moments of being sad or thinking of him are not unbareable or too difficult. I aknowledge these feelings, then embrace the other feelings of hope, happiness, love, and just think in my mind "Hi Garrett, Love you!" And get on with my day. So today I just want to say "Hi Garrett, Love you, I'm thinking of you today and will tomorrow as we celebrate Brooklyn's 1st Birthday!" It will be such a Happy Day, and we still Love you man!
--------------Garrett Donald Braden 12.24.81-2.23.07---------------------------

Best Buddies, Not Quite!

So looking at these little "buddy" pictures you'd think that these two are the bestest of buddies right? Oh so wrong, Poor little Brooklyn endures more than any little baby sister should. I try to protect her or keep her near me, but because she's so mobile she wants to be down and on the go.... but it comes with a price, and that price is recieving either a beating, pushing, bugging, poking, robbery, or any other big brother middle child syndrome Tyler can dish out. I swear sometimes I wonder if or when it could be possible that she will ever be able to just do her own thing. Both Morgan and Tyler seem to pick on her all day long, and its of course especially bad when they are both bored and I am distracted. The one that seems to be the most frustrating for her, is being pushed away. Morgan and Tyler are not the best of communicators, so if they don't like that she's bombarding her way into their fun or trying to steal a turn with a bike or book, she gets a big shove! Poor BABY! Is there any relief for the little pumpkin?