A Tribute to Garrett and a Birthday Girl!

Tomorrow is a day that is bittersweet to me. It is the day that I celebrate not only Brooklyn's Birthday, but also the day of Garrett's death. At moments I feel the urge to be weepy, but then look at my little "Snoog" and see the light and joy she is to me, and my desire and need to focus on the joy and blessing that she is to my life and the meaning of forever families. I am overcome with peace and gratitude for the experience I had in the hospital as I gave birth to my little Angel bug Brooklyn. During the hardest hours of my labor I was listening to my Mp3 player to take my mind off of my contractions. I had been going through contractions both hard and mild for close to 24 hours, and was tired of the lack of progress that had taken place. I reached a point in my listening that I wanted to select an album called HYMNS II. This is a combination of an acapella choir of male singers doing variations of some of my most favorite hymns and several of them I knew to be Garrett's favorites, because of this, and knowing today was his 1 yr mark, I wanted to feel closer to him. What was so incredible about this experience was that Garrett enjoyed music, and singing, and as I listened to these songs I felt Garrett's voice resonate in my mind, I could feel his love and the love of my Savior come over me. I felt it so strongly that I was able to forget for a time what I was physically feeling. I welled up with tears over and over during those hard 2 hours, feeling the strength and support of my Brother and my Heavenly Father. I felt as I listened to the songs, Garrett's testimony of the Savior and the Atonement seemed so strong in my heart, whatever the lyrics were I would feel in my heart him saying "He loves you, he loves me, and I am OK." It was so peaceful to not feel worry, or concern of if he's ok. It was another one of those moments in life that I could see the Lord's hand involved in my life, aware of me, and sending little experiences to testify of his plan, and of his love and awareness of my needs. Below are a few pictures of my last moments with Garrett. He came to spend a couple weeks with me for his summer and we made some pretty memorable moments together at the beach, visiting the temple, learning to surf, and getting lost in L.A.

Losing someone so close to me initially rocked me to my core, I cried with more emotion and sorrow than I had ever felt in my life, realizing that he was gone, that this was really happening, and I had to find a way to get through it and be ok. How was I going to continue to cheerfully love and raise my babies, when I was feeling so sad and missing him so much. Then comes all the questions of what really happens now for him and us left behind, how can we move forward. This challenged me to question and say to myself ok, this is it, this is my chance to ask what is it that I believe? In theory I knew what I believed about death, and about forever families, so when I asked myself these questions I knew the right sunday school answers, but the true question was.... was I ready to embrace and FEEL in my heart and spirit what I knew was taught to me, and what I have taught others in church callings, and have begun teaching my children. His death and the process of emotionally healing from loss, has taught me that this type of experience is what required me to not just "KNOW" what you believe but to exercise it... practice it.. prove it! These past two years believe it or not were not as hard for me as I thought they would have been. I had a rough couple of weeks coping with the reality and feeling the inital pain of loss, but my parents were an incredible example to me to pull together, turn towards Christ, be in-tune to feel the love of the Savior, his comfort, his support, awareness, and greater plan. With their help, and the help from prayer able to exercise my faith, focus on my hope and belief that we will be together with him again. So in every moment and time that I feel weepy or momentarily sad or missing him, I always have simultaneous feelings of comfort, love, encouragment, and patience. Because of this the moments of being sad or thinking of him are not unbareable or too difficult. I aknowledge these feelings, then embrace the other feelings of hope, happiness, love, and just think in my mind "Hi Garrett, Love you!" And get on with my day. So today I just want to say "Hi Garrett, Love you, I'm thinking of you today and will tomorrow as we celebrate Brooklyn's 1st Birthday!" It will be such a Happy Day, and we still Love you man!
--------------Garrett Donald Braden 12.24.81-2.23.07---------------------------

Best Buddies, Not Quite!

So looking at these little "buddy" pictures you'd think that these two are the bestest of buddies right? Oh so wrong, Poor little Brooklyn endures more than any little baby sister should. I try to protect her or keep her near me, but because she's so mobile she wants to be down and on the go.... but it comes with a price, and that price is recieving either a beating, pushing, bugging, poking, robbery, or any other big brother middle child syndrome Tyler can dish out. I swear sometimes I wonder if or when it could be possible that she will ever be able to just do her own thing. Both Morgan and Tyler seem to pick on her all day long, and its of course especially bad when they are both bored and I am distracted. The one that seems to be the most frustrating for her, is being pushed away. Morgan and Tyler are not the best of communicators, so if they don't like that she's bombarding her way into their fun or trying to steal a turn with a bike or book, she gets a big shove! Poor BABY! Is there any relief for the little pumpkin?

Look Daddy, I can Shave like you

Tyler is usually very independent in his play, and loves to disappear or wander off somewhere quiet and play alone. Typically it is with cars, so I can peacefully not worry about him for usually 15-20 minutes at time, however; today Morgan came racing down from upstairs that "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY, TYLER IS BLEEDING BAD!" So I call to Tyler to come to me ( I wasn't alarmed by Morgan's drama, because if ever dealing with her and blood, a tiny speckle of blood means PAIN). LOL! So I see Tyler's mouth covered in blood. I clean it up and in the process he proceeds to inform me that he was "shaving like daddy does, to get my wiksters." It was so funny to me that he took it upon himself to help himself to daddy's drawer get out the razor and try to shave. His upper lip was sliced with 2 thin cuts. The pictures show that it was quite minor, but still pretty funny to me that he attempted the task. I don't think I can leave him for 15 minutes alone any longer, he's recenly venturing out into more troublesome antics, this being the most recent.

We Love the HOFFMANNS

Last week we got to enjoy some really fun time with the Hoffmann's. Scott, Mary, Haley, and little Parker came to Boyd and Lindsey's to stay, and got to share some of the fun with us being that we live so close. Morgan can never get enough time with Haley, and little Avery was pretty cute to have around also. I got to enjoy kissing on both Hoffmann babies Parker and Ethan. We had so much fun making cookies, playing girl toys, and most of all the "JET BATH." Haley and Morgan were Giggling so hard their tummies both hurt. Next we had a blast at the beach in Janurary! I mean, c'mon how much better can that be! It was seriously like 78 degrees and just a cool enough breeze to not feel like the sun was beating on you. It was a fun week.The weather was so perfect and the sunset was so beautiful. I had to just take a quick shot.

Little "Mr. Butterball" Ethan. Such a little angel to tough out that beach with no whimper or complaint. This picture does not do his chubs justice. He is seriously the cutest little rolly poly.

Me getting to have some play time with little Parker 3 1/2 months old. Amazing how much personality and fun interaction he gives all ready. Love him love him! He loves to stand, it was so funny how if I tried to sit him down, he'd just stiffen up his legs to force me to stand him up. He has the prettiest little mouth and PERFECT nose, and a beautiful complexion from mommy!Be sure to watch the video at the end. He has the most adorable contagious laugh, and I was loving to get to be the one to get it out of him.

Brooklyn sat in one place I think for almost the entire time we were there. Just a dig dig digg'n.

Avery was so adorable and fun to watch, as she went non stop back and forth between the sand-play and the water.

Brooklyn would pick up sand and show me. She wasn't sure what to do with it.

Tyler was extra excited to find this pre-dug whole that was by our blanket

Avery buried as a Mermaid. I was amazed that she held still the whole time while I made her fins.

Tyler kept asking to be a princess mermaid. LOL! wonder who he hangs out with. ha ha ha. So I told him I'd make him a CAR. That was pretty awesome to him, so then the girls wanted to be cars too.

My lame attempt to make a car out of sand. Love how kids have great imaginations and my sad sculpting skills were able to pass.

Tyler trying to spell his Name in the sand like Morgan did.

Avery excited to be buried in the sand.

Lindsey and Morgan burying Avery Again... I think we buried her 3 or 4 times.

Morgan spelling her name and drawing pictures in the perfectly wet but still hard sand.

Avery showing Brooklyn how to dig and put sand in her pail

Haley giving Jared the "HORNS" LOL! She was always playing from a distance. She wasn't brave enough to get closer than 5 feet from him. Do you blame her? That's a pretty scary monster if you ask any kid who doesn't wrestle with him on a daily basis. My kids just run and jump on him if he's on the floor, it was funny to realize that its not that exciting if you don't live here. Haley couldn't make up her mind if she was having fun or scared out of her mind. Haley had to tell Scott to special deliver the message to Jared to not "GET" her.

A little Mickey Mouse time

Quiet Play up in Morgan's room (yea right! Quiet I don't thinks exists in my world)

Cookie making with Grandma Crowder

Trying to get rid of the Bubbles all over their bodies

Brooklyn's 1st Piggy Tail

So its official, she has officially grown out of babyhood into toddlerhood. Brooklyn not only has been walking for almost 2 1/2 months now, but I can get a piggy tail in her whispy little locks. I don't know what it is about tiny little pixie piggy tails, but they crack me up! and I love seeing it on little babies and young toddlers. Brooklyn although still a cuddler with me by night, she is not much of a baby to me anymore.... she is the busiest little body trying to keep up with Morgan, and steer clear of Bully Brother Tyler! What is it in Crowder boys and wanting to bug! I swear! Its in the blood. I call Tyler right now my "common denominator"..... If you hear screaming he's either the one screaming or causing the screaming. But I'm catching on to his antics and they're not as effective as they used to be. Any suggestions Please do share.

Welcome Urban West Crowder

Yesterday was a very exciting day for the Crowder Household. Kellie my sister-in-law, Jordan Jared's Bro. and little cousin Wyatt welcomed baby boy Urban West Crowder! Kellie was a superwoman and toughed out the labor "all Natural" as she did with Wyatt! I am so proud of her and inspired by her strength. She is a stronger woman than I. I had to cheat, otherwise it wouldn't have happened. I got to go see the new little family shortly after she delivered, even before his first little bath. He is extra chubbers and super super cute! He has a perfect head with short dark hair, really nice cheeks, and very kissy lips. Judy swears it was deja vu for her seeing Urban, because he looks just like his daddy. He was a 9+ pounder measuring 21.5 in. Kellie was glowing as you can see in the pictures how cute and happy she was to have little Urban finally here. I am so grateful she was willing to share in her special moment with the rest of us. I felt lucky to get to go see her so soon. I enjoyed getting to see little Wyatt, Kathy, Ron, Ryan, Tracy, and Kellie's sweet Grandma. They are always so friendly and loving to me and my kids. Morgan and Tyler were dissappointed that I didn't let them go see baby Urban, but they got to hang for a bit with Wyatt in the lobby and had a blast playing cars with him for the few little minutes that they did. It was cute to see them laughing together, Wyatt so adorable, I wanted to eat him up. I was amazed what a little talker he is. Tyler really enjoyed having a little buddy for how board out of his mind he was down in the lobby. We hope to visit, or have Wyatt over when my kids are over thier colds, and Urban is settled and home. Congratulations Kellie and Jordan. We love you guys!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!

Happy NEW Year Brooklyn finally joins in the fun of banging, and cheering.

When Morgan was 18 months old we started a silly little tradition banging pots and pans, running around the house like wild indians chanting "HAPPY NEW YEAR," for about 5 minutes or so until it becomes tiresome, and then have a big treat, to ring in the new year. Without having to go anywhere, deal with druk drivers, or stay up past 9 PM, sounds pretty appealing after a busy day of work, or caring for 3 little ones. Funny how when you have kids, some of the events and holidays that used to be sooooooooo important to celebrate aren't as appealing. This was something I think we both did as kids, that we remembered and thought would be funny with our own kids. Which it has been. Last year we did pots with big spoons and tyler was too little so he had a metal measuring cup and a spoon. Morgan complained last year that her pot was too heavy and next year she wanted the measuring cup. So this year it was measuring cups and spoons for everyone. LOL! Brooklyn wasn't quite sure what to think of it. I think she hears me yelling all day to keep the noise down, throwing Tyler in time-out for screaming, or saying "No, more banging" to all sorts of items, that she couldn't quite figure out why all of a sudden banging, yelling, and running was ok. She just kept starring at Morgan, Tyler, and I and deciding if she was going to join in. Probably the last 2-3 minutes she finally joined in and got really excited about making noise. Hopefully I haven't un-done all the rules we set about making noise on "normal" days. As you can see above, Morgan is happy to have her measuring cups this year and Tyler is working on his coordination to hit the spoon in themiddle of the cup.

I am looking forward to a new year with great hopes of being a better me than I was last year. Each year that passes I hope to recognize the good that came of it, and where God's hand was in my life, acknowledge where I can improve, and make changes that help me grow into the person I was put here to become. I am amazed daily of the growth and beauty I feel is developing in each of my children, and hope I can keep up with the growth and development that they embrace daily. I wish each of you all the happiness and success that life can bring. HAPPY NEW YEAR!